I thought I belonged to the night

It's one of those nights when it's minutes away from rain. Another forced night of demanding socialization. Still I need this occupation so I don't break completely, fall apart and lose the pieces. 4 am, walking barefoot in December, with her singing in my head (that this is the year everything will happen). And I never make promises I know I'll break, but this year is (going to be) different. This year I will be different. It's time to grow up, time to deal with baggage I've dragged around for too long.

And I wake up alone hours into this new year, wishing you were closer. You've told me not to be so sad, to find the light. You are that light. Forgive me, dear, can I ask you to relove me? I've lost every beat of my heart, to you, to your country, your melodies.

So, dear new year. Bring me fortune and fame, happiness and joy, love and new beginnings. Bring me the security I need. Make me different.